ANSWER: Let's find out...together.
I, Steven Michael Robert Wilber (1983- ) am a Portland-based stand-up comedian, writer, arguable graphic artist and known quantity. The nicest compliment I've received was "You're the closest thing to a real-life Simpsons episode I've ever seen." The second nicest was "You're so brave to go up on stage and not care what the audience thinks."
News Section (that just means Twitter):
I bet whoever first started calling shoes “kicks” never fucking shut up about it.
If I had a nickel every time I was constipated,I should really stop eating nickels.
If Garfield could make his own lasagna any time he wanted, would he be too lazy to do it? No, I am not high.
ANSWER: Apparently some!
I was selected as one of the New Faces of Comedy at 2015's Just for Laughs Festival, the world's largest comedy festival in the world, worldwide.
Splitsider.com featured me as one of 2015's Top Up-and-Coming Comics Outside of NY and LA.
I'm told I was moderately prominent on bygone video app, Vine, though there's no real way to prove that.
Also, I performed on, then was subsequently cut from a standup comedy show for a network once known for music videos, but now hardly shows any music videos (no, not THAT network...or that one...or the other five you're probably thinking of).
ANSWER: Hey, why not?
The Passion of the Reilly
This is a visual version of the essay I read for the Cracked Podcast in which I talk at great length about a person no one (including myself) knows anything about.
Portland's Funniest Person, 2014
This is my preliminary round set for 2014's Portland's Funniest Person competition held at Helium Comedy Club. It's the same year I won the coveted title and developed a taste for gold-plated champagne.
A short that was made for the Portland edition of Dan Savage's HUMP! Film Festival. This may be NSFW, unless you work at a really cool place...like Google or NASA or something.
The Boogeyman Boogie
Just in time for Halloween, here is a Samhainian song to usurp the violent reign of "The Monster Mash."
ANSWER: Not right now, but maybe when I'm waiting for my prescription to be filled and I have some free time.
These are written pieces that I have, well, written in the past. Some* of them good. Some of them proof that I've written other things.
*By "some," I mean "one." You'll know which one when you get to it.
A thingie written for The Cracked Podcast: Live on the episode titled "7 True Stories That Should've Already Been Made Into Movies." It wasn't in any way a competition. Though if it were, I'm confident I would have placed with the top seven.
During my time on this big blue marble we call "Spaceship Earth," I've been fortunate enough to get sponsors to support my existence. Because let's face it, my ferrets aren't going to buy their own Givenchy pumps. In exchange for keeping my lights on, I was tasked to write advertisements for my sponsors that I would then recite at the 15 and 45 of every hour. Enjoy.
I wrote this in the event of my tragic, albeit sexy, death. After meeting with a legal jargon enthusiast, filtering their advice through one of those artificial intelligence sentence-generating algorithms, I drafted a will.
ANSWER: Why are you asking me this?